Stressed. Blessed.

Today was Focus on the Family’s Focus on Marriage conference. What a blessing and what incredibly perfect timing for us in this season in our marriage. We were also able to get to know MckMama and Prince Charming a little better today, which was very, very fun.

To my left around the table are: Renee, Christy and Soapy, Sarah, Karina, and Jennifer

My favorite speaker today, by far (even though they were all wonderful), was Francis Chan (author of Crazy Love). What. A. Blessing. I wanted to track him down to ask him to pray over the two of us, but he must have slipped away before the close of the conference. If you weren’t able to attend a simulcast at your home church, I highly recommend finding something of Chan’s to listen to or read. He’s the real deal: sold out for Jesus. He spoke on how we should live as though we weren’t married (yep, at a marriage conference themed around commitment!). His point was that we should be single focused on the Kingdom on God. He urged us all to look at our marriages as tools through which we could more effectively further the Kingdom. I know that God wanted Papa Bear and I to hear those words today.

It’s not about Kingdom Twindom being happy and healthy; it’s about the Kingdom of God.

The rest of the conference (that was also supposed to be about commitment), hammered (to the point of absurdity – so obviously the work of the Holy Spirit) the importance of, and the principles surrounding, forgiveness. I learned many things today, so please don’t think that I didn’t, but I also heard numerous statements that made my soul scream, “That’s exactly what I’ve been writing about!!”

“That’s what I get nasty e-mails about…because I completely agree with that!”

“That’s the same thing I said last month that made a woman call me an idiot and tell me that my husband would cheat again and again and again.”

And wow, to hear those same things from such godly and wise men and women was extremely affirming. I’ve been questioning this little blogging project lately; but today, I decided: I’m just going to keep on writing about whatever I believe God is leading me to share. Period. No fear. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never (by the grace of God and the strengthening of His Holy Spirit) hurt me.

After the conference, we spent a little more time with Jennifer and Israel just talking and praying together. I shared with Jennifer about what I have allowed Satan to do to me through the negativity of mean spirited commenters (knowing she could relate in spades).

The whole conversation made us a little sad.

Just kidding. I just thought this picture was hilarious.

I woke up this morning feeling stressed, and I’m headed to bed now feeling abuntantly and exceedingly blessed. All in all, not a bad day…not a bad day at all.

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What is a Bunny’s Favorite Restaurant?

This morning, bright and early, Papa Bear rolled over and with a twinkle that shone through squinty eyes he said, “Hey, if you asked a rabbit how he got around, what would he say?”

My groggy mind swarmed. For some ridiculous reason I really wanted to know the answer to his early morning riddle. I thought and I thought, and then I fell back asleep and started to dream about bunnies.


I startled awake. “I have no idea,” I whispered.

“IHOP,” he announced.

I laughed, because that’s what I do. And then I stopped mid-knee slap and said, “Wait, that’s not funny.”


“No, that’s really not a joke,” I insisted as I finally began to wake. “A joke would be something like, ‘What is a bunny’s favorite restaurant?’.”

“But that’s too obvious,” he answered, still grinning the grin of the half awake.

“No, that’s a joke. But you were just trying to plant the idea of pancakes in my mind, weren’t you?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Nicely done.”


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Blank Page

I sat for awhile trying my brilliance,
Things rushing through my head.
I sat down determined to inspire myself,
But I’ve bored myself instead.
I stared at an intimidating page of white,
Thinking it hollow but finding it pure.
No mistake had been made yet,
And although one was sure to come,
The page of white was ready,
To be filled, molded, and made.
I’ve sat trying my brilliance,
But learning from a blank page.

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Once Again…

God has decided to show me just how right He is.

Which is fine, I know I need the reminder from time to time.

So, remember how sad I was that I wasn’t having a third set of twins?

After only seven hours with my neighbors’ baby (who is a doll but is fussy from yesterday’s flu shots)…

I cannot, for the life of me, remember how I did this.

Two babies are officially hard.

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Goodbye Sweet Friend

I don’t even know why I’m here. It seems like I should post something, but nothing is coming to mind. My eyes are wet and red and swollen, and I haven’t even begun to cry. Not really. Mostly, I’ve just been burying my head in my hands and muttering things like, “Really, God? Really?”

We left our little trailer last summer, and when we moved we also left the most wonderful neighbor anyone has ever had. We shared a yard, our back windows facing her front porch. She was weak, and she knew it (but she hated it). Her trailer was a million degrees (so I ventured in only in layers), and we knew she loved us because she’d knock on our window without first putting on her hair.

Rose loved Jesus fiercely. Her teenaged son introduced her to Him seven years ago, and it was shortly thereafter that she battled Cancer for the first time. And last night, after bringing her youngest son within two years of adulthood (which was her most fervent prayer), she went home to be with the Lord.

Goodbye, sweet friend. Your presence in heaven makes me even more anxious to get there. And I know we’ll all be together again soon.

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How Are You at Keeping Your Advice?

Last night, after tearful prayer brought about by too many things to mention, I wrote this,

“I come to Papa Bear with my complaints after going to God to see if they are things I should be dealing with vertically (me and God) or horizontally (me and Papa Bear).”

I’ve practiced that pretty faithfully for at least two years. But after writing it out last night, I woke up this morning and I…ummm…

I too quickly approached Papa Bear with some hurts that I had not filtered in prayer. And let me just say, it wasn’t good. It wasn’t that bad, and upon seeing that I had passed my hurt on to him, I quickly apologized for my exaggeration (that was kin to lies, although I didn’t realize it at the time). But when the smoke cleared I said, “I just wrote about this last night. Seriously, what is wrong with me?!”

We did a little mental research and I realized that we often have a disagreement that closely relates to something I have just (like the night before) written on my blog or spoken about in conversation. Hmmm… I’m not sure I’ve ever confessed that before because, well, it’s stinking embarrassing. And I’m not even sure why it’s embarrassing. After all, I’m not a marriage counselor, I’m just a student of Jesus who loves essay questions.

“Well, call me stubborn but I have no intention of not writing about the things God lays on my heart. Right?” I said.

“Right.” And then with a twinkle in his eye he continued, “But if the opposite of what you write starts happening, maybe you should write about how we never have any money.”

“I don’t think Satan is going to attack us with money.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

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